Nicole vs. Life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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