Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
