My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
