he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
