Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
