i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
