I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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