I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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