My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize