He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize