yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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