i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
