Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I am morally bankrupt
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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