I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
