I am spending my child support on dildos
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
