When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
