I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
