I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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