Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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