And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
