Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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