i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
