I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
