I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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