if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
