I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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