the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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