we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it glows. i had to have it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
