Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
