i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
