I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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