did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
