Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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