yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
