I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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