the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
