come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
