dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
