I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
