So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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