You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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