i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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