I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
