im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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