This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize