Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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