I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
