Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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