all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
