maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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