apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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