So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
