I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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