Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
