I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize