That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
