Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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