At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
