do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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