def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
