I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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