he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
