Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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