Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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