I hate all girls vehemently.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
