Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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