id be glad to
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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