I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
