Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
