chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
