I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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