yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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