The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've blown a few things in my day
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
